I just pynch a tree in the face
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Come on in and take your pants off
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