Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
