So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
