were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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