Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
