the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
