it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
