He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
