Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
