She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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