the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
