I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
