So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
