I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
