i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
