My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
