you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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