you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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