It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
