you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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