he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
