It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
