OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
