Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
