You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
