I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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