You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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