you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
