I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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