Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
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