listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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