Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just want nice things and good sex
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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