I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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