You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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