I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
