but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
