he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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