There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
