A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
