Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
