i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
