My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
