Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
