I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
