i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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