I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
