My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
