you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
