just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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