How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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