SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
